I have suffered too long under the demise of my own ego. For the longest time ever I felt as if I was special. As if I had something planned for me. There is still some part of me that feels this way, but I understand and am aware of it. There is really no other way to become the person you desire to be without putting in strenuous effort and hours of work. There has to be direction, you have to work smart and hard, you have to suppress any form of praise that comes your way. I have a mountain of failures, and a small hill of achievements.
So many people have told me that I am smart, that I will be successful, that I am special. And I believed every second of it. I loved the praise that came from other people and seems that it was always there.
“Vain men hear nothing but praise.”
Maybe there wasn’t always praise, but it is what stuck with me. If it wasn’t for taking the leap to start reading I would have either never made this recognition or made it way too late. I am a firm believer that the key to a better life is through books.
Some things I have struggled with my entire life that many struggle with, and many are too afraid to admit that they struggle with;
- Lust
- Greed
- Sloth
- Pride
- Envy
If you haven’t made the connection yet, this 5/7 of the Seven Deadly Sins.
Wrath and Gluttony are the other 2. I never really struggled with either.
- Lust: Introduced as a kid to the wrong material, let it control much of my thoughts and actions.
- Greed: I have always loved money, always wanted more. This led to me making rash decisions to try and attain more, especially financially. Greed always has been there.
- Sloth: I’m not sure how to say I struggle with this. It’s less laziness and it’s more of an effort issue. I have always been in relatively good shape, I workout 6 times a week now, eat clean etc. But I do not always put my full effort forward when I should be. It is a sin to take advantage of the time that God has gifted us with.
- Pride: I always want people to clap at my achievements and not know about my failures. I carry a sense of pride when I have no reason to be prideful. This is not something I struggle with as much as the others but it is still there.
- Envy: I want what others have, but at the same time I want to make it myself. I know that I must work hard to create a life for myself, so that I will do. But end of the day I see someone doing better and I want what they have, or feel a sense of insecurity towards them when I shouldn’t.
Since a kid, I always leaned more towards the introverted side. I excelled in school, I was decent at sports, I never had women trouble, but socially I have a lot of anxiety. Anxiety that I should not have. It also doesn’t help that I am taller and have a decent physique. I would say I seem very approachable, but when it comes to conversation and being stared at, I don’t do well. This is something I am actively working on, and my beautiful girlfriend has had a major impact on me in this aspect. I can not thank her enough for making me into the person I am becoming.
Discipline.
Another aspect I have lacked in, but also excelled in.
Disciplined in the sense that I stick to my workout schedule and haven’t deviated from it in years. I can eat clean and remain in my diet (most of the times).
Undisciplined because I don’t wake up at the exact time every morning, although I do always wake up before market open which is something I did not always do. I don’t journal everyday which I know I should. I spend money in stupid ways sometimes, a lot of the time.
I am not a perfect human being, but I strive to become a better version of myself.
I need to look at my growth in the long term, not just can I be the best version of myself this instant. Slowly changing my habits, removing old ones, adding new ones.
Becoming great is not something you are born, you create it. I will create my greatness through discipline, consistency, and humility.